Love (again)

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."


~CS Lewis, The Four Love

I found that quote on a blog of a family who adopted a little girl who ended up going to live with Jesus. They are now caring for a baby who has some serious special needs. They are willing to risk their hearts to give her the love she needs. I hope I would do that.
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I cried (just a little) this morning. You might think I cry a lot, but I really don't, but from time to time I will cry a little and it usually happens on the weekend when I have time to actually think :).

Jeremy is so nice. He almost always gets up with the kids on the weekends and feeds them and lets me sleep. This morning I heard B making a lot of commotion. He's becoming a bit of a screamer when he doens't get what he wants. Just a little bit, but still, it's pretty loud. So, I went downstairs to see what was going on and little B was soooooo happy to see me. He just wanted some love. I held him while I got my coffee going and we chatted about all this screaming and he just looked at me and smiled as if nothing had been going on at all!! Jeremy came in and I said, "He needs a Mom. All boys need a mom." And then I cried...just a little bit. I can't stand it that if he leaves our house he will probably not have a Mom in his life. At least I don't think he will. So, I do pray that he will have loving Mom people in his life...maybe even a teacher who can give him some Mommy-like TLC.

One of my Bible study teachers pointed out to me that I GET to pray for him for years to come. I hadn't really thought about how huge that is. I will pray for him. Will you please pray for him too?

Friendship Parties

Today was a great day as we celebrated with Jake and Cara at their Friendship parties. That's what they call Valentine's parties at their school...it is so funny though because the kids all say "Happy Valentine's". Makes me laugh, but hey whatever floats their boat.

Before I get into that I have been thinking about a conversation I had with one of my friends on the plane to Atlanta last week. We were talking about daily life and some of the challenges and she said sometimes you just have to do the next thing...

As I have thought about that over the week I told her that I realized that there is always a next thing and sometimes that is kind of nice. It is a good distraction when you are dealing with "stuff".

With that being said, the last week had a lot of next things which didn't leave much time for extra things. I had really wanted to make Cara a special shirt for her party so I planned to get up early and do it before school. Thankfully, no mistakes and it actually worked out and I had time to make Abby one too. I really wanted to get a picture of them and I missed my opportunity because I got a text from Jeremy (who was filling in for me in the cafeteria while I was at C's party). It said..."Abby ruined shirt......spilled chocolate milk all over the front." Oh well....they looked cute for an hour!! Ha!!

Do you like the blue tooth Jake made?? Think he sees his Daddy with his on much??

I love this moment of sibling love :). Makes my heart happy.

It was a very fun day. We enjoyed having Jeremy with us after he had been gone most of the week.

He is a great lunch Dad :)!

Time Away

Last Friday I hit the airport with my friends Cara, Jenny and Paula.We were headed to Atlanta for the Created for Care retreat for foster and adoptive Moms. Our trip there was quite an adventure. Our flight was cancelled so we drove an hour and a half away to another airport and got on a flight there. We arrived and drove another hour and a half to the lodge.We were a little bit late, but at least we got in that night!! I was just glad to be with three people I enjoy. Traveling alone would not have been very fun at all.

The resort was beautiful, the company was fun and the speakers were great!! I think my very favorite session was on domestic adoptions (probably because that is just where my heart is right now). The speaker was Aimee Powell and she was down to earth and completely honest about their experiences. She covered the heartache that comes from a failed adoption, birthparent stuff and transracial adoption. I got home and told Jeremy I think I would like a little Birdie Clare in our family :). That is their adorable little girls name. Jeremy said....."OK." He wasn't really paying attention to me at the time though...he should really watch what he says "OK" too because I totally run with it.

So Saturday was spent in sessions. They were all great. I did have to escape after lunch while my friends attended sessions and take a nap. I was drained. Of course everyone wants to know your story and everyone was encouraging, but I can only handle telling it and shedding some tears so many times in one morning. The bed was awesome....queen size and when you are used to a full that is a fun treat. I think we need to upgrade soon! We've been crowded for a while now.

It is always good to come home. My little people enjoyed time with Daddy, but they were excited to see me and tell me all of the news from the weekend!!

The thing that has stuck with me the most has been "Letting things GOOOOO". Oh, this is so hard for me!! I am working on it and I am literally being forced to let some things go as I struggle through this crazy season we are in. This year without a foster baby would have been nuts. The kids are on three different school schedules. I feel like we live in the car. Add three visits a week to that and it is insane. So, what have I given up this week......

Well, for starters I let Abby wear her tutu to school on Tuesday. It was not a small little tutu, it was Cara's dance recital tutu. She looked cute and she twirled for her teachers and friends. Hopefully it wasn't a huge distraction.

There are some other things I am letting go of that just bring stress and frustration. I am trying to let go of thinking about what people think about me. For example....when I do something like throw away a homework assignment of forget to sign a folder I instantly think the teacher is going to think I am a total flake. Somedays I am. Other days I'm not. Oh well..........doing my best.

On another note, the kids have been flooding my Valentine's box with notes of LOVE :). This one I found very interesting......

Mom, I love you with all of my heart. If you die before me you will be with God!!!

I hope I don't die soon, but I am so glad Jake knows where I am going someday!! I love that little guy.

L-O-V-E

And I love you with all of my heart!!!

11 Months Old

At 11 months B is pulling up, clapping, waving, saying Da Da, eating more table food, trying to give kisses. He likes to sit up on his knees and he likes to dance to music :)!

He enjoys watching the big kids play outside.

He really likes to get into drawers and toss stuff out.

AND, he had his first haircut. Miss Hannah came to the house and cut all of our hair. She is the wife of one of Jeremy's co-workers. She is super sweet!

Pretty soon we will be celebrating little B's 1st Birthday!!! We hope it is a very special day for him. When we were in our classes they told us that a lot of the children who come into care never go out to eat. They said we may have to ease them into it....like take them for a soda the first time. Isn't that interesting?? I can't really imagine this. My kids, probably unfortunately, know the namees of all kinds of restarants and we do enjoy eating out.

All that to say, I really don't know what B's life will be like if he goes to live with a biological parent. I do know that his life will be very different. So, we are trying to make lots of special times for him. He won't remember, but that is okay. We will celebrate his special milestones just like we would J, C, or A.

We are going with a sock monkey theme. He sleeps with his sock monkey and seems to love it so I thought that was appropriate. Plus, I think they are so cute!!

Twins

Cara wishes she had a twin. I don't know why, but she's always saying that she wishes she and Abby were twins. Maybe it is because she has twin friends?

Anyhow, today at Target I told her she could pick out a new top, but they had a great clearance sale going so I let her get a little velour sweatsuit and a fushia tank. When we got home she came out in a tank and the pants and said we were twins. My favorite thing to wear at home :).

Get this...

I got a real letter from one of my very favorite authors.  Really, I did. I couldn't believe it. I wrote to her to tell her how her book "Feather's From my Nest" has been so helpful to me. If you don't know, she had a little boy in her home for seven years (SEVEN YEARS) who went home to live with his birth family. She writes some about it in this book.

I have so much to say about this book, but I will do that some other day. Today I am just so surprised that she actually took the time to write me back. Her words were so encouraging and I have stuck the scripture deep in my brain and in my heart as a reminder of God's faithfulness and the hope we have in him.