Here we go....our thoughts on Foster Care

** I've been working on this post all month. I sit down and get interrupted and have to start over. Anyhow, I had this motivational speech to give, but last night I heard this on the radio. It was Mark Schultz. He was talking about helping people in Africa who are starving.
He said, "We are blessed, they are not. Why are we still talking."

That is how we feel about foster care. We have a a home. They do not.
We are a family. They need one. This is something we can do.

We are not out there trying to do something good or to save the world. We just want our home to be a place where children can be safe and loved. We want our kids to grow up knowing that people are hurting and need help and we can tangibly show them love and meet their needs and truth be told... many of their wants.

For us choosing to foster was just doing what we knew we were supposed to do at this stage in our life. We tried to adopt internationally and it just didn't seem to be moving along. We were in the middle of trying to sell our house and we just felt a little stuck on making a decision when one day I was sitting next to a lady at the pool who I had grown up with. She's a few years older and has four cute little boys. She is also a physician and works in the ER. She asked me why we hadn't considered fostering and I gave her a list of reasons. She said she wanted to foster, but couldn't because of childcare issues. She said, "I just know that even on my worst day, I can do better." (she meant in comparison to the care these children were getting)



Instead of asking why foster we started to ask why not foster, and for us our list was short. I know that we had LOTS of people who could give us a fancy list of why we shouldn't foster, and who also felt free to tell us how naive we are. We called and got started on our classes the end of last summer and miraculously did not miss one. If you know my husband's travel schedule, you know that in itself is huge.

We sat through 36 hours of classes and thanks to my awesome cousin, Betsy, my parents, and occasionally my Uncle John and Aunt Cherie, we had childcare for all of those. While we were taking our classes we also completed our homestudy. During the homestudy a social worker came to our house for a couple of hours 4 times (I think) and asked us every question you can imagine. She also brought a student from the college I went to. She was doing an internship and on one occasion that student's professor came along. Let's just say if you have something to hide you just have to get over it. They've seen it all, heard it all, and they aren't embarrassed to ask it all.

We made it through the homestudy, fire inspection, home safety audit, got fingerprinted and had all our references sent in and were licensed pretty quickly (well, quickly in the world of foster care). We had our first call for respite in November. Little C came to stay with us and he was precious. Soon after we had a call for a newborn that didn't work out and of course a couple months later little B came to our home!!

I am glad that I didn't get this post finished when I planned because over the last few weeks I have had a change of heart. I truly believe that more people need to be doing foster care. Obviously, there are hundreds of thousands of children going in to care in the US and not enough homes. However, I know that God doesn't put it on everyone's heart and it's not my place to push it on anyone who will listen (although, I will gladly talk to anyone and everyone about it if they want). Truth be told, if you aren't supposed to do it, you aren't supposed to do it.

BUT....maybe you are supposed to do something...

Maybe you are like my friends who loaned us lots of baby gear

Maybe you are like my other friend who constantly gives B her Baby Gap and Gymboree hand me downs (some with tags).

Maybe you are like the friends who brought us meals
(and possibly never got a thank you card because my sleep deprived brain can't remember if they ever made it to the post office?!)

Maybe you are like my Mom who learned the art of couponing and gives us diapers.

Maybe you are like my friends and family who brought baby gifts when B came to our home.

Maybe you pray

Maybe you listen on "those" days when something takes me completely
by surprise in the foster care world and knocks the wind out of me.


Maybe you are the photographer who volunteered your time to 
take beautiful pictures.

Maybe you buy Christmas presents for foster children who won't
get any....because believe it or not, there are foster families who
do not treat foster children like they treat biological children.
DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT ONE

Maybe you are like my cousin, aunt, friends, parents who babysit.

Maybe you have invited the older ones to do something fun while I take the baby to a visit or doctor appointment.

Maybe you help transport. We don't have visits anymore for B so this isn't an issue for us, but for many families driving to visits, therapy and dr. appointments can be huge.

Maybe you are like our pediatrician who doesn't typically take B's insurance, but when asked said, "I'd be honored."!
OR the doctor at Children's who knew we were eager to get some test results on B and gave us his personal email and cell. (Seriously...I could not believe it)

Maybe you are a caseworker who is overloaded and underpaid.


Maybe you are the church that planned a foster family picnic with games and prizes and food.


Today, I am thankful for each and everyone who did the above for us.

So, you see, we can all do something. The Bible says, "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:27 This year, I am thankful for a tiny baby who has given us all a new perspective on the gift God gives us when he adopts us into His family. I am thankful that J, C and A are learning that we take care of others and it's really not that big a deal or that much more work. It should just be what we do.

Tonight I was waiting on a prescription for the baby and I hadn't filled a prescription for him before so I wasn't exactly sure what information they might need which led to me saying, "he is our foster baby." Which of course led to all of the workers saying...." I could never do that. I would get attached and I just couldn't give them back." Can I just say that I know this is coming everyday before it even comes out of the person's mouth. I get it. I hear them, but I want to say....."This is not about you. It is about them." I don't say that because I do understand those feelings. I had them too, and well, I don't want to be a jerk. I just wonder why they think I can?!

The thing is I didn't choose many of the things that we have gone through. Infertility, multiple surgeries, hysterectomy, small business ups and downs, lyme disease in my 5 year old. But, because we have walked through these things and seen God graciously provide in ways we didn't always expect, we have chosen to walk this path knowing that if or when children go home, HE will be with us. You lose all control when you choose to foster, but you gain complete reliance on the LORD and that is a good place to be.


Happy Thanksgiving!!!

ISSUES

This post might be offensive to some, but it is so funny to me and means a lot to me so I'm putting it up anyways!

Everywhere I go with the baby boy, people say things if they find out he's a foster baby. Family, friends, strangers...everyone. It's okay and doesn't bother me too much because I get that people just want to know stuff. They are typically not trying to be rude, but sometimes they are. Sometimes unintentionally and other times very much intentionally.

Our most common question is...

So, does he have issues...

When I hesitate to answer this, they tend to elaborate...you know, like from his Mom?? or maybe they will say, "is he sick?" or "why doesn't she want him."

Here's the thing. I know that when you ask this, you don't know that I'm really not allowed to answer these questions. His story is his story. I signed a confidentiality agreement. I get that people aren't trying to put me in a tough spot. No biggie...really. I do think it is odd that since everyone is so concerned about us getting attached that they don't think it might be a tad bit hurtful to ask intrusive questions about his condition or to tell us why we shouldn't want him if he has this or that...

Here's the other thing...
Babies in foster care are not "given up". They are removed. Babies who are being placed for adoption by their birthparents are typically not involved with a county agency, but are placed through a private agency. So, they have gone through something to get there. We can't tell you what.

I was telling my Dad about the well-intentioned lady who caught me off guard today who asked "Does he have issues??"

You have to know my Dad to understand how funny this is to me. My Dad is a wonderful man...both my parents are great and have fully and completely loved on this little guy just like they have with J, C and A. He is a kind man, a generous man and everyone who meets him likes him. He's just a nice guy.

He walks out a while later to the dining room and says, "Jeni, next time somebody asks if he has issues, you should say, he wouldn't be in foster care if he didn't have issues dumb a--..." Cracked me up!! I mean really...isn't it an issue that your parent can't have you?! Could we leave it at that or maybe not ask me in front of a crowd of people? Just sayin :).

Oh, and one other thing...I have issues...don't we all??

This little one...

has stolen our hearts.

We have been crazy blessed with awesome friends and family who have been so generous and kind in embracing this little life. He is one sweet, sweet boy. We know that he is not ours, but we are loving him just like he is AND it is easy. Some people have wondered and some have been brave enough to ask us if it is hard to love a baby I did not give birth to. I can honestly, 100% say, NOT AT ALL. We shower him with cuddles, hugs, kisses and "I love you's." He deserves that. He is a little miracle.

We are blessed to get to do it!!

Foster care is hard. The unknowns are hard. His future is uncertain which makes ours uncertain, but he is worth it.

Blessed

Wednesday night we welcomed an adorable baby boy into our home! We don't know how long he will be here, but we do know it will be long-term foster (so, probably 6 -12 months at least). Everyone is enjoying him! I have lots of help from all three kids. Cara is especially helpful and is actually very good at taking care of him.

It is an amazing/overwhelming in a good way feeling to provide a precious little life a safe place. We just want to shower him with love and give him a good start no matter how long he is here.

For those who have asked or wanted to ask the question, "Aren't you afraid to get attached and have to give him back," our answer would be a great big, "of course." I almost wanted to hand him back to the social worker last night because I knew how quickly we would love him and that we would get attached, then I remembered all the reasons we decided to do this and I knew that for now, this is the right thing to do, so we will. We will love him, we will rock him, we will play with him, we will do everything with him that we have done for our kids. He will be a part of this family for however long we get to have him.

I don't think I can put pictures of him on the blog, but boy is he adorable!