We are trying to be intentional this Christmas season about doing things together and making memories. Maybe it's because the last few years I felt disappointed that we didn't do more because I took orders up until a couple days before Christmas. Maybe it's because we have B. I don't know why, but we feel like giving him lots of experiences even though he won't remember...at least we can put pictures in his book.
Today we took all the kids to see Santa. The big three aren't into this. They get a little nervous. B enjoyed it, but did end up crying at the end. We got a good picture to send his birthmom and that's what I was going for. I figured she probably would have taken him.
When we got home we made Gingerbread houses together. That was very fun. Jeremy, as usual, was into this and took over. I got to take pictures. The kids really enjoyed eating while they worked :)!
We played a couple new games I bought for Christmas gifts but decided to open early. We watched a movie together and just had a fun day!
Abby is all about a week long birthday celebration!! So funny :)
These two - - I just love them!! They have such a special bond going on.
Jake loves B so much and takes good care of him. B loves Jake and always happy to be carried around.
I feel like I need to clarify on the whole "transition" post.
Please understand that when I said "me and my little man" that really, I know he is not actually mine. He has been in my home and in my care for the last several months and has felt like he is mine, but really, he is not. He has been loved and cared for like he was mine, but he does have a Mom and a Dad.
It is not my job to judge them. I signed up for this to take care of these babies and to try to support the parents when possible. We did not become licensed foster parents expecting to keep a baby, but being willing to if the opportunity came about.
I know that sometimes people feel helpless and want to be helpful. Sometimes you just really can't do anything about a situation. In this situation with B, it is really out of our control. We are okay with that because we know who is in control. While we so appreciate the kind words and encouragement, and especially all the prayers, please know that we are okay with what God has planned. We know that God loves B and will take care of him. Selfishly, we would love to adopt him. It is hard to think about his life away from us, but we also know that God can do great things. Maybe our job is to be loving to the parent who comes to a visit? We want them to see Christ in us. We want the county workers to see Christ love.
Please, even though you are trying to be helpful, refrain from "doing" anything other than praying. B's case is confidential so if you feel like you need to make a case that we would be better for him than his parents, please don't. Some have said we just need to go tell them this or that. We want to keep B in our home as long as possible to keep loving him and nurturing him. Doing something like that would be very bad and inappropriate.
Again, thank you so much for praying for us and loving us so much! We appreciate it.
In our world of foster care, I am starting to hate the word transition. Let's face it...I've never been one for change, but especially not when things are going just fine. Over the last four days the word transition has been used more than I like. Today, as I read it in an email I started to cry...but I did stop quickly. It said, "please let me know how I can help you through this transition..." blah blah blah
Things have been just fine for the last eight months with me and my little man.
We have such great days together. Did we really need to go and start this whole transition thing??
So, if you think about it pray for us as we work through this whole time of transition. I can't go into details on here, but we are just dealing with some stuff that is hard and not fun.
We celebrated Caraline's 6th birthday last weekend. She had a "friend" party in the afternoon with her little girlfriends from school and a few others from the pool and church. In the evening, we enjoyed a family party for both girls.
Can you tell our theme was Pinkalicious?? Jeremy even put a tree up in the playroom with all pink glass ball ornaments! So fun :). He's a good sport when it comes to his girls.
Here are a few pictures that my friend took before the party started.
The pink chocolate fountain was a hit with the little girls!
I took these pictures below...you can probably tell :)
Crying because she only got 2 smarties from the pinata.
So cute...all the little heads checking out her new necklace.
My friend, Cara, let me borrow the chocolate fountain and stopped by during the party. She is a Mom to four boys so I think all the shrieking and squealing was a bit much for her :)! It was a bit much for me and I have two girls.
Abby is loving her new Barbie Jeep.
Seriously, we just love birthdays and since we were having lunch with my parents today, my Mom got a cake and we sang and blew out more candles. And, you know...I will probably do it all again on Tuesday. Is that too much?? I don't know, but really, who doesn't LOVE to be the Birthday Girl?!
** I've been working on this post all month. I sit down and get interrupted and have to start over. Anyhow, I had this motivational speech to give, but last night I heard this on the radio. It was Mark Schultz. He was talking about helping people in Africa who are starving.
He said, "We are blessed, they are not. Why are we still talking."
That is how we feel about foster care. We have a a home. They do not.
We are a family. They need one. This is something we can do.
We are not out there trying to do something good or to save the world. We just want our home to be a place where children can be safe and loved. We want our kids to grow up knowing that people are hurting and need help and we can tangibly show them love and meet their needs and truth be told... many of their wants.
For us choosing to foster was just doing what we knew we were supposed to do at this stage in our life. We tried to adopt internationally and it just didn't seem to be moving along. We were in the middle of trying to sell our house and we just felt a little stuck on making a decision when one day I was sitting next to a lady at the pool who I had grown up with. She's a few years older and has four cute little boys. She is also a physician and works in the ER. She asked me why we hadn't considered fostering and I gave her a list of reasons. She said she wanted to foster, but couldn't because of childcare issues. She said, "I just know that even on my worstday, I can do better." (she meant in comparison to the care these children were getting)
Instead of asking why foster we started to ask why not foster, and for us our list was short. I know that we had LOTS of people who could give us a fancy list of why we shouldn't foster, and who also felt free to tell us how naive we are. We called and got started on our classes the end of last summer and miraculously did not miss one. If you know my husband's travel schedule, you know that in itself is huge.
We sat through 36 hours of classes and thanks to my awesome cousin, Betsy, my parents, and occasionally my Uncle John and Aunt Cherie, we had childcare for all of those. While we were taking our classes we also completed our homestudy. During the homestudy a social worker came to our house for a couple of hours 4 times (I think) and asked us every question you can imagine. She also brought a student from the college I went to. She was doing an internship and on one occasion that student's professor came along. Let's just say if you have something to hide you just have to get over it. They've seen it all, heard it all, and they aren't embarrassed to ask it all.
We made it through the homestudy, fire inspection, home safety audit, got fingerprinted and had all our references sent in and were licensed pretty quickly (well, quickly in the world of foster care). We had our first call for respite in November. Little C came to stay with us and he was precious. Soon after we had a call for a newborn that didn't work out and of course a couple months later little B came to our home!!
I am glad that I didn't get this post finished when I planned because over the last few weeks I have had a change of heart. I truly believe that more people need to be doing foster care. Obviously, there are hundreds of thousands of children going in to care in the US and not enough homes. However, I know that God doesn't put it on everyone's heart and it's not my place to push it on anyone who will listen (although, I will gladly talk to anyone and everyone about it if they want). Truth be told, if you aren't supposed to do it, you aren't supposed to do it.
BUT....maybe you are supposed to do something...
Maybe you are like my friends who loaned us lots of baby gear
Maybe you are like my other friend who constantly gives B her Baby Gap and Gymboree hand me downs (some with tags).
Maybe you are like the friends who brought us meals
(and possibly never got a thank you card because my sleep deprived brain can't remember if they ever made it to the post office?!)
Maybe you are like my Mom who learned the art of couponing and gives us diapers.
Maybe you are like my friends and family who brought baby gifts when B came to our home.
Maybe you pray
Maybe you listen on "those" days when something takes me completely
by surprise in the foster care world and knocks the wind out of me.
Maybe you are the photographer who volunteered your time to take beautiful pictures.
Maybe you buy Christmas presents for foster children who won't
get any....because believe it or not, there are foster families who
do not treat foster children like they treat biological children.
DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT ONE
Maybe you are like my cousin, aunt, friends, parents who babysit.
Maybe you have invited the older ones to do something fun while I take the baby to a visit or doctor appointment.
Maybe you help transport. We don't have visits anymore for B so this isn't an issue for us, but for many families driving to visits, therapy and dr. appointments can be huge.
Maybe you are like our pediatrician who doesn't typically take B's insurance, but when asked said, "I'd be honored."!
OR the doctor at Children's who knew we were eager to get some test results on B and gave us his personal email and cell. (Seriously...I could not believe it)
Maybe you are a caseworker who is overloaded and underpaid.
Maybe you are the church that planned a foster family picnic with games and prizes and food.
Today, I am thankful for each and everyone who did the above for us.
So, you see, we can all do something. The Bible says, "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:27 This year, I am thankful for a tiny baby who has given us all a new perspective on the gift God gives us when he adopts us into His family. I am thankful that J, C and A are learning that we take care of others and it's really not that big a deal or that much more work. It should just be what we do.
Tonight I was waiting on a prescription for the baby and I hadn't filled a prescription for him before so I wasn't exactly sure what information they might need which led to me saying, "he is our foster baby." Which of course led to all of the workers saying...." I could never do that. I would get attached and I just couldn't give them back." Can I just say that I know this is coming everyday before it even comes out of the person's mouth. I get it. I hear them, but I want to say....."This is not about you. It is about them." I don't say that because I do understand those feelings. I had them too, and well, I don't want to be a jerk. I just wonder why they think I can?!
The thing is I didn't choose many of the things that we have gone through. Infertility, multiple surgeries, hysterectomy, small business ups and downs, lyme disease in my 5 year old. But, because we have walked through these things and seen God graciously provide in ways we didn't always expect, we have chosen to walk this path knowing that if or when children go home, HE will be with us. You lose all control when you choose to foster, but you gain complete reliance on the LORD and that is a good place to be.
I have to hand it to Jeremy. He did a great job while the girls and I were in Florida. He took the boys to the office a couple times, but made sure they had fun stuff to do. He also took them to Kings Island, a fall festival, and trick-or-treating. He even took the boys shopping for their costumes.
Jake was a dragon based off the movie "How to Train Your Dragon" and B was an adorable teddy bear. I just love this picture of him with my Grandma. So sweet. I wish that I could take the cover off his adorable little face.
I am doing what I always wanted to do raising my three bio kids and loving on a precious foster baby boy!! My husband works hard so I can do what I do and I love him for it! We love Jesus. We love our family. We hope that our family will encourage yours to figure out how you can help orphans. It has been a huge blessing in our lives...even on the hard days!
"...once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12
