Around this time last year, I had growths on my ovaries. We suspected that the endometriosis that had been previously been removed had finally taken over my ovaries, and sure enough when I had surgery to remove the endometriomas, we found out that was the case and my doctor had to remove both ovaries which sent me into instant menopause. So.....the last year has been a challenge, but I was finally feeling back to my new normal when another crazy set of symptoms started. I have had some swollen lymph nodes that have caused some concern and led to some appointments. LONG story short, I had some irregularities going on and some test done to make sure they were not cancerous. They were not. Again, thank the LORD.
This situation had me freaking out a bit. I tried really hard not to be anxious, but I was. I read my Jesus Calling devotional along with the Kids version that we read at night with J, C, A & B. All of this was hugely comforting to me and I would pull it up on my phone throughout the day. I also wrote scripture on notecards to carry in my purse when I went to different appointments. Along with that, I had friends I could text and say, "I'm nervous" and I knew they would pray for me. A blessing.
I'm a big fan of people being real and genuine and this is me making my best effort to be that way. Sometimes, because I prefer a glass half full mentality, I paint a rosy picture of life, but our life (awesome as it is) is not always rosy; it's hard and its messy and scary at times. I'm learning that it's okay to be all of those things, and it's okay to find the good in it, but sometimes it's just hard. You know?
Fast forward to last Thursday. I made it through my first mammogram and thankfully my lumps were cysts from my menopause induced hormone stuff. I was so excited and floating through my week. I had a great time catching up with old friends at a party Saturday night. Life was good.
At around 5:30 am on Sunday, Jeremy walks in the bedroom and with the most calm and gentle voice I have ever heard he told me he thought I needed to get up and go to my Mom's. By the way he was talking to me I thought my Dad had died. It was a completely terrifying moment for me. When he told me someone had come into our home and robbed us I almost felt relieved. The night before we had let the girls spend the night at my parents and a friend of Jake's had gone home feeling sick. Just the boys and Jeremy and I were home. As I headed to bed I noticed a big, dirty, metal dustpan had been set on the kitchen counter. I thought in my head, "Why would they leave this filthy dustpan on my kitchen counter?" I set it down in front of the door from the playroom to the kitchen and thought I'd put it away in the morning. Well, the stupid jerk who came into our home while we were sleeping came in the wrong door (THANK GOD) and tripped over that dustpan which woke Jeremy up. He only had time to grab my wallet and camera on his way out. If I let my mind go to the what if's I panic. I am trying to focus on just the what. What did happen. What did God do to protect us. What will I do now to feel safe..... When Jeremy and I were first married I struggled with it. I had to constantly give it over to the Lord when Jeremy traveled. I memorized scripture like, "when I'm afraid I will trust in you." I saturated myself with scripture related to fear and I can truly say that God helped me to overcome this. I had setbacks every now and than that caused me to haul the kiddos over to my parents for a night or two, but overall, I had really done great. So, when this happened I was so disappointed to be starting over on that this struggle.
While we are doing lots of new safety improvements around here like a security system and a fence, I know that ultimately, my hope and comfort comes from the Lord. I can do all these things and someone can still get in if they want to. I have to trust in the fact that God is ultimately in control of every event in my life. Just like I posted on FB last week from Jesus Calling for Kids, "I have lovingly created a path for your life. Nothing is by accident. Every twist, every turn, is part of my plan...Today is the day that is filled with my glorious Presence." I know this is true. I cling to it. I know that there is good that will come from this. I have already started a list of things that I am thankful for. I'm still scared. I'm still on edge. It's hard. It makes me furiously mad at this 27 year old. I want to come home and not wonder if someone is in my house. That really ticks me off that I don't have that anymore. Pray for us. Pray for our kids. It's hard to process this and a lot of the stuff other kids are saying to them.
This was taken after our neighbor, T, also the cop who made the arrest, came to tell us the good news that he had taken him to jail!! He said when the call came through that our home had been robbed, he booked it over and he did. He made it in about a minute. Thankful. He has worked some major overtime on this case. He's coming over tonight to talk with the kids and try to reassure them they are safe and to give them some safety tips. Love this big guy :)
** Disclaimer - in the past being "real" on the blog has caused a couple relatives to wig out and tell my husband I'm depressed. I'm not depressed. I'm ticked off. A jerk (Jeremy told me to take off the bad word I used, but I am still thinking it ;) robbed my house while my family was inside. I hope he sits in jail for a long, long time. I hope that his parents move out of my neighborhood. I felt bad for them on Sunday, but now I don't. My Mother's Heart hurts for them, but I was shocked to find out that he has been arrested over a dozen times in the last two years for things like assault and burglary. He had felony charges and was let out due to overcrowding. I was shocked to find out that his parents bail him out of jail. I was also flippin' mad to find out that he has written horrible, scary things on his FB page about the cops in our area who keep us safe. **
Have a great day! I am trying to :)
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