So Proud of Little B

B and I headed to Children's today for his appointment with the Developmental Clinic. The first doctor we saw was the doctor who had taken care of him when he was in the NICU after birth. I knew when they told me who would be seeing him I recognized that name. When he walked in he had a big smile on his face and said, "I know you" to B. He remembered him, maybe because his name is not all that common. He was just so happy the entire appointment to see that he is loved like crazy, bonded to me (because baby's need to bond to someone early on even if they don't stay), and developmentally on track. He felt there was no need at all for any services. He was so, so nice. He spent a lot of time talking to me and asked me "what made you do this. What moment did decide you would foster." He was genuinely trying to understand why I would risk the heartache.

I thanked him for taking such good care of him and told him how much that means to me. These babies that some think are going to have lifelong issues (just from spending time in foster care) are precious to someone. B is precious to me and to so many others who are loving him.

Believe me when I say we have had some recent days when we have said, "what were we thinking." We have wondered if all the stuff we have said is really what we believe. I can say....it is. It is SO, SO hard to think that he might be going away soon. It is really breaking my heart in two, but I am so very thankful for the time we have been given with this amazing little boy. He does not have bad days. He is a delightful, sweet, laid back little guy who just lights up the room with his smile. I especially love his closed lip smile that he often saves just for me :)!

These hard days are helping me to learn that life is just difficut, but if we are intentional about looking for the good things, we will find them. I am reminded of the verse that says, "joy comes in the morning." It does. Sometimes we have to look really hard and sometimes I have to drag my bootie out of bed to find it (or as I often say, pray myself out of bed). It is there. Yesterday I found joy in two people who brought me a Diet Coke. Today, I found joy in getting to meet this doctor. I know it sounds small, but it was HUGE to me. I found joy in B clapping for himself. I love it!!! I found joy in Abby putting makeup all over my face and then looking in the mirror and realizing that she had made me into a cat, but as she puts it, "a nice cat, Mommy." Oh.......I love 4!!! She is so fun. I found joy in Cara reading me a whole book. I found joy in Jake telling me that his teacher told him that his Ninja lego guy had a good weapon...the sword of the spirit!!! Seriously....a good weapon.

My goal this week is to really be aware of the good things going on all around me. There really are so many.